Patron Saint of Difficult Marriages – St. Monica

Saint Monica is the patron saint of those who suffer from difficult marriages, troubled parents, difficult parents, and the consequences of alcoholism. She was a holy woman who suffered greatly throughout her marriage. Despite the persecution and abuse she prayed endlessly for the salvation of her husband. From the difficult marriage, Saint Monica raised one of the greatest theologians and saints, St. Augustine.

Who was Saint Monica, the patron saint of those suffering from the effects of alcoholism and difficult marriages?

Not much is known of St. Monica aside from what St. Augustine tells us in his Confessions. We know that she was born of Christian parents at Tagaste, a small town in northern Africa. Her mother died when she was small and she was brought up by a good and rather strict governess. She grew into a happy, sprightly little creature who was a great joy and comfort to her father.

One anecdote comes to us from her childhood. Her father often sent her to the basement to draw wine for his guests. The child yielded to temptation and sipped the wine before she brought it up the stairs. The sips became longer and soon she was drinking a cupful at a time. One day a maid saw her drinking the wine and called her a “wine bibber.” Monica was overwhelmed by shame and never yielded to this temptation again. She found strength in her faith to turn away from the vice of alcoholism and through prayer refrained from the vice of alcohol for the remainder of her life.

Her father arranged for her to marry a wealthy pagan named Patricius, a man much older than she. Since she was a good Catholic the thought of marrying a pagan must have been displeasing to her, but she obeyed the wishes of her father. Once married, she was a dutiful and devoted wife, a task that was not easy under the circumstances. Patricius was a pleasant man to meet and affectionate in disposition.

Patron of those suffering the challenges of difficult marriages

Since he was not a Christian, however, he did not consider himself bound by Christian rules of behavior, and he was dissolute in his habits. He also had a violent temper. Matters were made worse by the fact that Monica had to live with her mother-in-law, a cantankerous woman who did not take kindly to Monica’s Christianity.

It was a difficult marriage, but Saint Monica found refuge in her faith and relationship with God. Through her devotion to her faith she raised a future saint and brought many others to God.

Monica endured the situation with patience and forbearance. When her husband flew into a rage, she never answered back. In time, the mother-in-law came to admire Monica’s serenity and decided that her religion was the reason for it. The mother-in-law became a Catholic and was followed into the Church by several other members of the household.

Some years later Patricius, her husband, repented in his abusive ways also became a Catholic. He died after leading a good Christian life for a year. Monica’s sorrow at his death was mixed with joy for he had died at peace with God. Saint Martha faced many challenges and difficulties in her marriage but continued to stay true to her faith and serve as a witness for the conversion of her spouse.

Patron Saint of Mothers

Patricius and Monica had three children of whom the eldest was Augustine. We know little about the other two children, Navigus and Perpetua, except that they led good Christian lives and caused their mother no worry. St. Monica instructed St. Augustine in the Christian religion and taught him how to pray.

Once he became dangerously ill and asked to be baptized. His mother got everything ready for baptism, but he suddenly became better and it was put off. Infant baptism was not the general practice at that time. Many people put off baptism so that they could avoid staining their baptismal innocence.

This was a mistaken and dangerous custom which St. Augustine later condemned in his own writings. As a result of this custom Augustine grew to adulthood without the saving grace of a Christian baptism. But Monica cannot be condemned for this; she was doing what she thought was right.

She not only gave bodily life to the great theologian and doctor of the Church, but she was also the principal means by which Saint Augustine was brought to God. St. Monica prayed for many years for her son to turn to God, seemingly with no results. One day she pleaded with a bishop to speak to her son. The bishop told her that Augustine was not ready to listen. She tormented the bishop until one day he told her to go in peace and to continue as she was doing. “The child of such prayers and tears can never be lost,” he told her. And his prophecy came true.

Saint Augustine received his initial schooling at Tagaste and then went to Carthage which was a noted educational center. In Carthage he fell in with dissolute young men and soon became a leader among them. He was always a leader, whether in study, in fun, or in vice. Soon he took a mistress and became a Manichean. The Manichees taught that the body is wholly evil and that sins of the flesh cannot be avoided. This was a comforting idea to people like Augustine: if sins of the flesh cannot be avoided, why try to avoid them?

This was yet another difficult relationship St. Monica was facing in her life, yet she never wavered in her faith knowing God will bring about the conversion of her son.  She was grief stricken when she learned of the life her son was leading. She wept and prayed and offered sacrifices. For a time, she forbade him to come into her house because he tried to teach heresy at her very table. St. Monica always served as a holy example to her children of how to live a holy christian life.

Patron Saint of Troubled Parents

In 377 Monica had a dream in which an angel told her to wipe away her tears, adding: “Your son is with you.” After this, Monica again allowed Augustine to visit her. She told him about her dream.

“Good,” said Augustine with a laugh, “that means you will come over with me to the Manichees.” “No,” said the mother, “the angel did not say I would be with you.” He said that you would be with me.”

Augustine decided to go to Rome to become a teacher. Monica decided to go with him, so she could keep an eye on him and work for his conversion. But Augustine did not wish to have his mother with him. While they were waiting for the ship, which was delayed, Augustine was greatly pleased that his mother had been so quick to see the flaw in his argument.

Augustine suggested that she go somewhere to rest or to pray. Monica When the ship finally came in, Augustine said: “I have changed my mind. I am not going to Rome after all. I’ll just get on this ship long enough to say good-by to my friend and then I’ll get off.” “In that case,” said Monica, “I will go to the chapel and pray.”

When Monica returned from the chapel, the ship had gone and Augustine had gone with it.

In Rome, Augustine found that teaching conditions were not very satisfactory and so he moved on to Milan where he became a teacher of rhetoric. Milan had a Bishop named Ambrose (St. Ambrose) who was famous for his eloquence. Augustine went to hear Ambrose, thinking he might learn something new in the way of technique. He was impressed with Ambrose and went back again and again to hear him. Then he paid personal calls on Ambrose. Augustine was learning more than rhetoric and was reminded of the holy example of Christian living provided by his mother.

The example of Saint Monica is a reminder for all parents facing challenges and difficulties with their children. She is a reminder that the greatest way parents may teach their children is through example and by living out ones faith in all they do. May the conversion of of Augustine serve as a source of hope for parents who are struggling with instill the faith in their own children.

Patron Saint of Difficult Relationships

Monica had grieved when Augustine fled from her. She went to Rome and found that he was no longer there. She finally tracked him down in Milan. She learned to her dismay that he was again living with a mistress, but she was happy to hear from his own lips that he was no longer a Manichee. He had lost his belief in that heresy but he had not become a Catholic. Perhaps he was reluctant to give up his way of life. He tells us himself that he prayed: “Give me chastity, but not yet awhile.”

Saint Monica prayed a different kind of prayer for the difficult relationship with her son, and she prayed almost without ceasing. At last, in August, 386, Augustine announced that he had completely accepted the Catholic faith. He was baptized by Saint Ambrose the following Easter. This was the greatest moment of Monica’s life. It was the moment she had lived and prayed and sacrificed to see.

Now that the moment had arrived, it seemed that she had no more to live for. St. Monica died a few weeks later, at Ostia, while she and Augustine were waiting for a ship that would take them back to Africa. Augustine broke down completely and shed bitter tears for the mother who had shed so many tears for him. He wept not only because of his loss but because of his own unworthy conduct toward this saintly mother and the difficult relationship he caused for her.

The Church encourages the faithful to pray for the holy intercession of St. Monica as a special patron saint of married women, those suffering a difficult marriage and difficult relationships. St. Monica is a model a model for all mothers and all Christians of overcoming difficult relationships through committing oneself as a model of Christian living.

Do you have have someone who holds a special place in your prayers, someone who has drifted away from our faith. Monica’s determination serves as a source of inspiration for you to keep praying—and nudging.

Prayer to St. Monica for Marriage

As the patron saint of difficult marriages and all those who are suffering problems in their marriage, the Church encourages us to pray to St. Monica to intercede for one’s marriage during both the troubled times and the good times. Recite the Saint Monica Novena Prayer for Marriages daily with your spouse or yourself and work every day to strengthen marriage by immolating the holy example of St. Monica.

Many couples commit to each wearing a St. Monica medal every day for a period of time as a constant reminder of the joys that marriage brings and as a perpetual prayer of intercession to St. Monica to intercede on behalf of the couple during the troubling times of marriage. Recite this prayer together as a couple each night when you take off the necklace and medal and each morning as you both put it on.

Dear St. Monica,
troubled wife and mother,
many sorrows pierced your heart during your lifetime.
Yet, you never despaired or lost faith.
With confidence, persistence, and profound faith,
you prayed daily for the conversion
of your beloved husband, Patricius,
and your beloved son, Augustine;
your prayers were answered.
Grant me that same fortitude, patience,
and trust in the Lord.

Intercede for me, dear St. Monica,
that God may favorably hear my plea for

(Mention your intention here)

and grant me the grace to accept His Will in all things,
through Jesus Christ, our Lord,
in the unity of the Holy Spirit,
one God, forever and ever.

 

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Prayer to St. Monica for your Husband or Wife

Mother of the Great Augustine,
You perseveringly pursued your wayward son
Not with threats but with prayerful cries to heaven.
Intercede for all mothers in our day
So that they may learn to draw their children to God.
Teach them how to remain close to their children,
Even the prodigal sons and daughters who have sadly gone astray.

Dear St Monica, troubled wife and mother,
many sorrows pierced your heart during your lifetime.
Yet, you never despaired or lost faith.
With confidence, persistence, and profound faith,
you prayed daily for the conversion
of your beloved husband, Patricius,
and your beloved son, Augustine;
your prayers were answered.
Grant me that same fortitude, patience,
and trust in the Lord.

Intercede for me, dear St Monica,
that God may favorably hear my plea.
(mention your intention here)
Grant me the grace to accept His Will in all things,
through Jesus Christ, our Lord,
in the unity of the Holy Spirit,
one God, forever and ever.
Amen

 

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Novena Prayer to St. Monica

Dear Saint Monica, you were once the mournful mother of a prodigal son. Your faithfulness to prayer brought you and your son so close to God that you are now with him in eternity. By your intercession and God’s grace, your son St. Augustine became a great and venerable Saint of the Church. Please take my request to God with the same fervor and persistence with which you prayed for your own son.

(Mention your intention here)

With your needs, worries and anxieties, you threw yourself on the mercy and providence of God. Through sorrow and pain, you constantly devoted yourself to God. Pray for me, that I might join you in such a deep faith in God’s goodness and mercy.

Above all, dear Saint Monica, pray for me, that I may, like your son, turn from my sin and become a great saint for the glory of God. 

Amen.

 

 

Reflection on the Sacrament of Marriage and the Life of Saint Rita

Marriage, otherwise known as matrimony, is one of the most important events of an adult’s life. This ceremony officially begins the life and the unending bond between a man and a woman. Just like many other sacraments, marriage was not fully formed in the early years of Christianity. Marriage initially had no connection to the Church, as a matter of fact. Therefore marriage was not originally a sacrament. Marriage was celebrated in the home and the couple was most always arranged by the parents. The main element of the marriage was not a focus on the couple, but a focus on procreation. The Church started to play a role in marriage in the 4th century when the priest or bishop blessed the bridal chambers, once again keeping the focus on the children.

Marriage finally evolved into a sacrament since a sacrament reveals something about the mystery of God. In marriage, the mystery of God is reveled in one’s spouse. In 1614, a rite of marriage was created, focusing around the individual consent of the couple. After the initial feeling of love, a couple should only be ready to marry once they have discussed and agreed on ways to raise their children within the Church. The couple presides the wedding and the priest, deacon, and entire Church community act as the witnesses of the celebration. Marriage could take place during any liturgical season at various times of any day of the week. The marriage could still take place in the home, so long as the couple’s customs are adapted to the Christian spirit and liturgy. The couple or even the priest may prefer to have a mass or to omit the mass in the wedding ceremony. In this regards to the couple’s preferences, the ceremonial details and certainly the reception are flexible and up to the bride and groom’s choices.

What does a Catholic marriage consist of?

Today, marriage consists of the priest questioning the couple, most importantly asking if they consent to the marriage, along with scripture readings, sprinkling water, the exchange of rings, and the nuptial blessing. The sprinkling of water is to remind the couple of their baptism. The unique symbol for marriage in the Eastern tradition is the crowning, which consisted of sharing in Christ’s kingship, along with a daily dying and rising for one another. The symbols in the Western tradition include the veiling of the bride, the sprinkling of water, and the exchange of the rings.

Man and Woman Consent to Marriage

The marriage itself symbolizes Christ’s marriage to the Church. The formulas, or verbal declarations, in marriage consist of the consent of the bride and groom and the blessing of the rings. The man and woman profess their consent to their future spouse and to the witnesses. The consent statement can vary. There are a variety of different phrases for the same meaning of consent.

An example of the consent statement is, “I (name) take you (name) to be my husband/wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life”. In some cases the priest could actually ask the couple direct consent questions in which the individual responds with “I do” or “I will.” During this consent, the priest asks the bride and groom join right hands in a gesture as they declare consent before God and the Church.

Symbol of Wedding Rings in the Catholic Church

The symbol of the rings accompanies the gesture of placing the ring on one another during the blessing in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. During the marriage, the witnesses of the celebration pray for a life of holiness bride and groom. Marriage in the Catholic Church is both a contract and a covenant between the man and woman.

Marriage License – the Couple is Legally Bound Together

Like all marriages, the couple receives a marriage license. This is a legal document which enacts responsibilities onto the pair. The covenant initiated during matrimony, however, exceeds the contact on a spiritual and personal level. God is a part of uniting the couple as one. A sustainable love for one another is only possible through the power of God. Responsibilities still do exist for the couple. Since the sacrament of marriage consists of unveiling the mystery of God’s love through another, it is expected that both participants of the marriage will strive for individual holiness, but also seek to help their spouse reach and obtain holiness.

Welcoming Children through Marriage

The main implication that emerges from marriage is the expectation for the pair to be accepting of children and ready to bring them up within the Catholic Church. This means baptizing their child, attending Sunday Mass, and preparing them for receiving the Eucharist and becoming confirmed. The husband and wife should be an example to their children, along with the community, showing God’s love through their actions as a united pair.

Troubles in Marriage – Divorce and Annulment

In some rare occasions, however, the pair may receive an annulment through the Church. The marriage would be considered void if the couple did not fully or willingly declare and consummate their love for one another. Therefore the Church would then allow the two to marry later on if they choose.

Marriages, however, could also end for different reasons. It is known that over 40% of married American couples file for divorce in this day and age. Marriage is appearing to be less permanent and more of a simple day to day option. Divorce is portrayed in television shows and movies as a comedic aspect and something very normal and unquestioned in society today. Couples have stopped trying to make things right and result in what they believe must be the only option, which is to break off the marriage.

What is Marriage Pre-Cana in the Catholic Church?

The priest has an opportunity to speak with each couple before the wedding. This process is called pre-cana, which is an instructional series of conversations or even educational courses that couples undergo before pursuing marriage in the Catholic Church. This is often be the only chance to truly educate engaged couples on the commitment of marriage and to make sure they have discussed in great depth their acknowledgement and acceptance of the responsibilities and joys of an eternal marriage. Multiple serious discussions between the couple and between the priest will help the engaged pair strive in their lasting marriage and set a good example to their children and future generations.